Patriarchy is the world we currently live in. It is a ‘normal’, only a few question. But this ‘normal’ is silently killing people. This story is a tale of the mental anguish and the trauma of living in such societies.
My youngest maternal aunt, whom we’ll call Richa, believed that with marriage she will leave behind her toxic family and start afresh on to a journey of romance and love with her other family. Reality has left her with none as she remained just a tool, never a person.
Richa recently conceived her first baby. The pregnancy comes with several complications, not specifically physical.
Richa has been diagnosed with a certain type of schizophrenia. Her mental state has been on the downward spiral due to the usual stress of pregnancy combined with the absence of medication which was helpful before.
Her in-laws have refused to take responsibility of her pregnancy citing that traditionally the maternal side takes care of the birth of the child; the child who will ultimately be named after its father. It needs to be noted that it was her in-laws who kept mounting pressure on the couple to conceive.
We do not know whether pregnancy was something that Richa really wanted. For the in-laws and the majority of people, a woman’s right over her body does not exist in the dictionary.
Of course, Richa’s in-laws are also party in flaming her mental distress. The husband here is akin to a dead fish, someone who doesn’t have a say and doesn’t bother with an opinion either.
Richa’s maternal side is of little help either. She is faced with mocking, laughing and exacerbated siblings, who find her a ‘burden’.
Though, Richa has six other siblings, there is none who is willing to see through the tough period. In the end, Richa, her unborn child and the fragile mental health of both were handed back to the perpetrators.
Richa now stays with her parents at their home, a place where her tryst with mental health began and went out of control.
Richa’s mother and a brother are battling their own mental distress. The family blames the mental state onto the toxic atmosphere created by the father.
My mom and Richa’s elder sister says that it was due to her father’s manic behavior which resulted in her mother’s ill health, leading two of her other siblings to suffer the same extreme consequences. She also says that it was the father who insisted on Richa getting married. The simple thought behind the marriage was to get rid of a daughter who was of ‘marriageable’ age.
Richa was eager to get married, to leave behind a toxic family and start afresh. Little did she know that she was nothing but a tool. A tool to cook meals for her husband and a tool to bear a child for the family. Love and romance, there are no such words. No one asked what she wanted. Ever.
Now, Richa and her unborn child’s life is left up to the family who do not believe in hospital child births, who have never dealt with the outside world in decades, who do not recognize mental health and think that all others mean only harm to them.
Richa is not a ‘retard’. Her sheer willpower held her through the tough times in her 20s. While she broke down completely, she lifted herself up to complete her education and find work. She earned her purchases and rights. She can be independent too.
Probably, if the mother was educated and independent, she would have left the poisonous atmosphere. Probably, if Richa was independent, she could have married on her own terms or not married at all and decide whether she wants a child or not.
Mental distress may have several reasons. But it is high time that we recognize the toxic patriarchal families which are creating a stifling situation for women and people of other gender, which in turn is creating a wave of mental illness.
SENSITIVE Journalist 
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